Monday, January 14, 2013

Being a Yogi sometimes means admitting weakness

I haven't posted here in awhile.  To be honest, it's because I haven't felt like I've had anything to contribute to the world wide web.  And also because I haven't been teaching much as of late.  I've been thinking though that being a "Yogi" isn't necessarily being a Yoga Teacher.  It's embracing what you learn and realize about yourself on the mat and assimilating it into your life off the mat.  And sometimes being a Yogi means admitting a weakness in yourself.  Or a flaw.  Or an insecurity.  It means owning it and being okay with it.  Or trying to at least.  What has compelled me to post here tonight is a weakness that I may have always struggled with.  In fact I think it's a weakness that a lot of people deal with.  Not measuring up.  Not being good enough.  Within the parameters of a yoga class it's easy to do this, to feel this.  The woman on the mat in front of you can get her leg WAAAY up higher than you can.  That one over there looks perfect and you feel like a hot mess.  I could go on and on, and teachers can tell you until they're blue in the face that there is no perfect pose and to not compare yourself to others.  Sorry.  It's still gonna happen.  In life there are so many more opportunities to torture ourselves like this.  I do it.  I hold myself up in comparison against people I think are more successful, prettier, happier etc.  And when I fall short of my own measure, I beat myself up over it.  And THEN I get angry at myself for beating myself up.  Sick, right?  Well, it's my weakness and I'm owning it.  And surrounding myself with people who don't aid and abed this self hatred.  AND getting rid of people who assist me beating myself up. 
That's my weakness.  What's yours?